The Elephant in the Room (My Blog + Its Role with ED)

After (finally) purchasing an iPhone and joining the Instagram community, I watched my follower count grow quickly. This should have been exciting for me, but instead I began to worry. I noticed a pattern immediately. At least half of my new followers used similar handles: most of them made references to "ana" (short for anorexia) or "recovery" (as in, recovering from an eating disorder). Similarly, when I searched the #oatmealartist hash tag, they were accompanied by ED-related handles and hash tags. Here is a glimpse of some of the pictures I frequently see:

Why did this worry me?

As someone who is awkwardly tall and thin, I have received my fair share of condescending weight comments and have always been self-conscious about it. Thus, when I started seeing all these Instagram followers, I freaked out. My thought process was as follows: Is my blog the new hangout for teenage girls with eating disorders? What does that say about my blog? About me? Do they think my blog is diet food? Do my friends and family think that my blog is diet food? Do my friends and family think I am eating oatmeal to diet?! Do my friends and family think *I* have an eating disorder!?

I suffered silently with these thoughts for months until I collaborated with Charlotte, May's Oatmeal Enthusiast. She wrote:

I have struggled with an eating disorder for 8 long years, but it got very bad in 2011. My anorexia took over my life, and I was no longer able to enjoy food. I found Lauren’s blog in 2012, and even though I was still very much in denial and did not want to get better at all, there was something about those delicious looking oatmeal recipes that caught my attention! I suddenly had an interest in food again, which was both scary and exciting. I started experimenting with my breakfasts, and although I was too afraid to follow the actual recipes, it was still a step in the right direction. 

I went inpatient for 4 months in the summer of 2012, and as I was getting better all I could think about was going home and finally be able to try all of the recipes on The Oatmeal Artist’s blog. Unfortunately I had a very bad relapse, but even through that relapse I continued to eat oatmeal almost every single morning, and that was without a doubt one of the reasons I made it through. Today I consider myself recovered, and Lauren’s blog has definitely helped me get to where I am now.

 I heard similar narratives from many other young ladies, all with the same point: my blog helped them recover, not fuel the disorder. I then recognized that the Instagram handles I was seeing all discussed recovery; these were victims of EDs who were using online communities to overcome their tough relationships with food.

I recently read this article on Buzzfeed called "Teenage Girls are Using Instagram to Fix their Relationships with Food." By the title alone, this article struck a chord with me. Considering that the majority of the pictures tagged #oatmealartist on Instagram also contain hashtags like #EDrecovery, I have personally witnessed this trend. The article states:

“I think sometimes that people (me included) get so caught up on having what some might regard as the perfect and healthy diet, that they forget that it is also very important to have a healthy mentality towards food and not be obsessive,” wrote 15-year-old Tina, who recently shared a bowl of oatmeal cooked with artfully displayed raspberries, banana, sesame seeds, cacao nibs, medjool dates, and homemade chocolate almond butter to her 45,000 followers.

[...] Aside from purported health benefits — less bloating, more energy, clearer skin, etc. — popular users said the practice was therapeutic, not just because it helped suppress the urge to diet but because it made eating fun instead of traumatic.

Several months ago, somebody left a comment on one of my posts stating that they used my recipes during the peak of their eating disorder, and was wondering what my role was in fueling eating disorders. My initial reaction was horror, and then anger. To suggest that my recipes caused her eating disorder was infuriating to me. The comment bummed me out for days, until I responded with some almost-cordial-but-mostly-snippy comment about how my blog does not need to play any role at all.

Any health-focused blog could obviously become a haven for someone looking to restrict calories, but that’s not what my blog is about. Never does my blog discuss limiting calories, trying to lose weight, or dieting. That has never been my focus. I create recipes that I believe are nutritious, filling, and delicious; what someone chooses to do with those recipes is out of my control. Am I to blame if someone cooks their oatmeal in water instead of almond milk and omits the peanut butter?

Furthermore, you will not find calorie counts on my blog. This was a choice I made from the beginning. I believe focusing on calories creates feelings of guilt or stress that should never be associated with food. Food is fuel! This is the vibe I try to create on my blog, to empower us to make healthy choices not as a “diet,” but as a way to nourish us physically, mentally, and spiritually in a world where we are constantly bombarded with options that are making us sick.

Anyway, I've been avoiding the “ED recovery” community because I did not want my blog associated with eating disorders in any way, mostly stemming from my own self-consciousness. However, after seeing the role my blog has played in so many girls’ recoveries, I have realized I should no longer ignore this community out of fear of what others would say. If my goal as a blogger is to alter people’s perceptions of food, then my vision aligns with theirs. May my oatmeal bring them nourishment and recovery.

Instead of posting a recipe today, I would like to share with you four Instagram users whom I personally follow, who are winning  (or have won) the fight against an ED, and who post gorgeous food pictures almost daily. Most of them are vegan because vegans are the best. ;)

@neverenoughcinnamon

@capturingcharlotte

@moonshoesdani

@teaddicted

Please check out these ladies, and feel free to share your story below in the comments!

**You can also find hundreds of other oatmeal recipes (as well as tons of other meatless recipes) on my Pinterest account!  You can also like The Oatmeal Artist on Facebook. Thanks!